Rest In Peace

Several weeks ago my grandfather had a stroke and was admitted into the hospital.

Today I am writing because he has passed away... on March 3rd, 2011. It has taken me over a week to find the words to write because I am honestly heartbroken. I also was spending a huge amount of time trying to finish midterms, while my family from Florida started flying in. 


I never knew my dad's father because he passed away when my daddy was only 12. I therefore grew up with my mom's father, my poppy. He lived in Jersey for quite sometime, until him and my grandmother retired and moved to Florida. While he was in Jersey we would spend almost everyday together, us as well as my brother. When he moved to Florida we would try and visit every summer. Sometimes it didn't work out, but most of the time we were there. 


My poppy was one of those people that I thought would be around forever. I never saw life without him. He was 78 and still playing softball. Sure he had his unhealthy habits, but he still seemed pretty healthy and strong to me. He was strong up until the morning he passed away. That morning he had a stroke, he was getting ready to go play a game of softball. Can you believe it, 78 years old and still playing the sport he passionately loved. 


I'm actually happy I didn't go down to Florida with my mom to see him in the hospital. I don't want to picture my poppy in pain, or weak. Because the man I knew him as wasn't weak, wasn't stuck to a bed night after night. The man I know him to be was a sarcastic, hysterical, brave man, who wanted to spend every second of his life on that softball field, and surrounded by friends and family. 


I know he's in a better place now; the lord knew he could never live in the hospital bed, or hooked up to all machines. His heart, mind, and soul were on that softball field, and I think he figured if he couldn't be who he was, there was no point in living any longer. I look up to him for that, not only in heaven, but as an individual. 


It's going to be hard to go to Florida and not be able to see him, it's hard enough now knowing that he's gone and there's nothing I can do to get him back. All I can hope for is that he is happy, and he's able to play softball for all eternity. 


I had a dream about him the other night. I was sitting on a bed or couch with my Uncle, my poppy's oldest son, and my poppy came to me and grabbed my hand and tried to talk to me. Of course it was muffled, and I couldn't understand what he was saying, but he seemed happy. I woke up soon after, only to slip back into a deep sleep. I then dreamed again, but this time my poppy was slowly walking towards me. As soon as he got close to me, I woke up startled. It was the morning of his services, and I somehow felt comforted. 


Rest in peace poppy; I'll see you later and we can share coffee cake like we always did <3


3.3.11 - I love you always & forever.

‎"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy."